Musings on Maternal Love

What we can learn from elephants. How grief guides us. And, an exciting personal announcement.

Photo by Hu Chen (Unsplash)

I woke up this morning feeling a little melancholy. A celebration of motherhood when you’ve lost yours or don’t have children of your own can leave you feeling untethered.

Instead of overcompensating with social activities, I opt to settle in for a quiet day of reflection. As the hours pass, my emotions become even more mixed.

Feeling angsty, I decide to pull an oracle card.

Elephant.

“Elephant is a steadfast monarch, matriarch, and servant.”

Seems apropos for the holiday. I keep reading.

“She is loyal and devoted to elders and children alike and reminds us that the way we choose to exercise our power influences how those around us will wield theirs.”

Hmmm. Okay.

The Untamed Elemental Oracle Deck by artist Tasya van Ree

Ding! A text from Megan Klein, my client turned friend (and badass founder of Little Saints) who is known for her rebellious nature, deep kindness and apparently magical timing.

Happy Mother’s Day! All of the people you nurture with your love and wisdom, including me, are lucky to have you. (heart emoji)

This makes me smile. I remember that our tribe does not conform to traditional definitions of anything, so why would we limit our view of maternal love and who can share it?

From my experience, this kind of love is fierce, reliable, generous, nourishing, supportive and sometimes a little in your face. It shows up when you don’t expect it and generally when you need it. There are so many ways to care for the people in our lives by…

• asking “how are you?” and listening for the answer

• holding space for the tears

• enthusiastically cheering the wins

• fiercely defending reputations

• showing up for both the important and mundane occasions

• hugging, holding and showing affection

• telling the truth (with kindness and however difficult)

• referring, promoting and championing

• cooking meals, running errands and doing favors

• babysitting, dogsitting, plant watering

• remembering birthdays, anniversaries (especially the sad ones) and holidays

• reminding them to take their vitamins (a Nellie Chen special)

When my mother passed away, I remembered all of her best friends (the Aunties) as well as my best friends surrounded me with maternal love, not unlike a protective herd of female elephants who come together to defend in times of need — full of strength, wisdom and tender care. I wasn’t going to falter or fall on their watch.

I fondly recall one of my mother’s childhood friends giving me a pep talk as we discussed my reputation of being a rebellious, outspoken, mildly disobedient, “non-traditional Chinese” daughter:

“Celia, you are by far the most interesting of all of our friends’ children. Be an original. Live your life!”

— Auntie Winnie (over martinis at The Lambs Club)

Losing my mother and my dear friend Drea (who was the closest thing to a mentor to me) were devastating events in my life. But each was a significant catalyst to get healthy, course correct and find my purpose. Grief is the ultimate teacher.

This health-focused substack probably wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for those two maternal influences who constantly reminded me that I had something special to contribute to the world and if I was going to run my mouth (which I’ve been known to do), it better be for a good cause.

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Boom. I have an aha moment.

I understand how I can honor of all of the women in my life who love in this way. I know how I can lean into my maternal calling by caring for “the elders and children” and everyone in between. I finally take a step closer to what I’ve known I’ve wanted to do since my friends started randomly sending me their bloodwork — to empower those around me to be happy and healthy.

I enroll at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition to get my health coaching accreditation.

Feels right. I read the rest of the oracle card.

Elephant.

“A true leader, she leaves a deep footprint for others to follow so they don’t lose their way.”

Thank you to all of the elephants in my life. I’m following your lead.

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