Pleasure is the Measure
Revelations from my year of living "turned on" from pleasure mapping to erotic blueprints and how it changed my life forever
Back in my wilder New York fashion days, I had a cheeky ritual of texting one of my besties, Jennifer, after each “rendevous”, especially when adorned in lingerie from her exquisite brand, Fleur du Mal. It’s as if the lacy, silky thing was a supporting character in my story because usually it was. We called these naughty tales, Fleur Confessionals.
Yet more than a decade later, as I reminisced about those encounters, I had to wonder, “was the actual sex any good?” Perhaps the performance outweighed the pleasure.
So in January 2023, fresh off a long healing journey with somatic therapy1 I decided to revisit the concept of pleasure by making it one of my “chosen words” for the year. Little did I know that this challenge to myself to seek out and call in pleasure would reveal a new universe to me — and become one of the defining principles of my life.
“Pleasure is the measure of sexual well-being. It’s not about how much you crave sex, how often you have it or who you do it with or where, or in what position, or even how many orgasms you have. It’s whether or not you like the sex you are having, whether it’s genuinely pleasurable to you.”
— Sex Educator, Emily Nagoski, PhD & Author of “Come As You Are”
The biohacking nerd that I am, I wanted to test my theory that with my newly repaired nervous system, I could now access new sensations. Honestly, could I have assigned myself better homework? I think not, but keep reading and let me know.
Starting a Pleasure Practice
When we think of pleasure, we might immediately jump to sex but it actually shows up in so many other places, if you know where to look.
I began by consciously engaging with sensory experiences to cultivate feelings of joy and relaxation, while bringing an awareness to my body with the simple goal of figuring out what felt good.
Savor Each Bite
I admire a beautiful plate of food so much that I’m known to feast on it with my eyes (and probably take a photo) before I even lift a fork. I committed to making even the most simple meal for myself something visually appealing while taking the time to savor each bite for the taste, temperature and texture, which helped activate pleasure and gratification.
Dance Like No One is Watching
Nothing changes my mood faster than dancing to a favorite song. But, how did it make me feel? I incorporated a few minutes a day of completely letting go (aka dancing with reckless abandon) to pay attention to any sensations that arose. Scientifically, this is known as a “pleasure double play,” where music stimulates the brain’s reward system while dance activates sensory circuits.2
One of my favorites: Turn it up, close your eyes, move your body and really let go.
Be Your Own Lover
Looking at myself through “a lover’s gaze,” built a different appreciation for my body. We are often critical of certain body parts that a lover might actually adore. Setting aside time for a self-pleasure ritual helped me explore different erogenous zones without the goal of orgasm (although it was a bonus). Not all touch needs to be sexual but it can certainly be erotic. I built in new ways to care for my body from foot massages after a bath to slowly brushing my hair before bed.
This sensory-focused practice significantly expanded my capacity for pleasure. These rituals comprised simple, daily delights that accumulated with consistency, sparking my curiosity to further explore my edges.
*this is part where I thought about adding a paywall because it’s about to get really intimate but I was encouraged to be vulnerable so here goes…
Be an Erotic Explorer
You didn’t think my year long journey was going to be solo expedition, did you?
As it happens, when you begin to cultivate pleasure every day, it doesn’t go unnoticed. There was a shift in how I navigated the world and the energy I radiated. By intentionally directing my attention towards people and experiences that made me smile or my toes curl, it’s no wonder that I attracted more of the same. It encouraged me to delve deeper into these explorations, expanding my practice along the way.
💎 Go on a Treasure Hunt
Meandering across someone’s body terrain without directions or a destination in mind is highly recommended. It’s debatable but there are somewhere between 7 and 31 erogenous zones on the body. Go find them all. For me, exploring through playful touch, which I called, “pleasure mapping,” ended in an unexpected full body orgasm that lasted for hours without actually having sex.
💭 Visit a Fantasy Land
An exotic journey sometimes requires mastering a new language. I discovered this when I was asked to share a fantasy and found myself unexpectedly speechless. Was it a fleeting moment of self-consciousness or just unfamiliar territory? After all, our minds serve as erogenous playgrounds which thrive on novelty. Tapping into our rich imaginations to craft a steamy narrative can evoke an electrifying sensation (even if it remains a flight of fancy). Initially, I began journaling to find my words, granting myself the liberty to express whatever turned me on. The exercise unlocked a whole new realm of creative connection.
✨ Drop into an Altered State
Orgasm itself can put you into a state of bliss and relaxation because of the flood of oxytocin — so much so that some can lead to brief out-of-body experiences (thanks to a short-lived but naturally-occuring psychedelic compound called phenylethylamine3). While alcohol can dull sensation and lower your ability to connect, there are certain substances like cannabis, psilocybin and even MDMA that in low doses can act as aphrodisiacs by heightening sensitivity, fostering empathy between partners and even improving sexual function4.
But maybe one of the most enlightening revelations that tied together all of these disparate discoveries was figuring out my Erotic Blueprint Type.
Identify your Erotic Blueprint Type by sexologist Jaiya
A cheat sheet from Jaiya’s new book, “Your Blueprint for Pleasure,” explains the differences between each erotic type and the primary drivers for their desire.
Energetic: anticipation, space, tease and longing
Sensual: having all their senses ignited
Sexual: what we think of as “sex,” in our culture like nudity and intercourse
Kinky: whatever is “taboo” to them
Shapeshifter: all of the above
The results of my quiz illuminated the clues to my arousal and ultimately my pleasure. Out of the five types, I scored highest in Sensual, a type that, “brings the artistry to lovemaking.” Being so attuned to all of my senses can be a blessing and a curse. While I have the ability to have an orgasmic experience from food, I can also get so distracted by an out of place element that it’s a barrier to pleasure. I once stopped in the middle of a hot make-out to change the music and lights.
The best part of recognizing different erotic types is that we see ourselves and our partners with more clarity and compassion.
It allows us the language to bridge the gaps and combine our gifts for a blended experience. For example, a Sensual brings luxurious slowness and full body awareness, while their Sexual partner brings intensity and heat to the moment.
According to Jaiya, we have all of the types within us but some are more accessible than others. Think of your erotic blueprint as less of a rigid label and, more of a dynamic, evolving character who comes out to play.
“Eroticism is not sex per se, but the qualities of vitality, curiosity, and spontaneity that make us feel alive.”
— Esther Perel
Living in a Pleasure State
What started out as a clever alternative for an annual resolution has evolved into a daily practice that rewards me in ways I could not have imagined. Seeking little doses of delight throughout the day or intentionally prioritizing pleasure-rich experiences makes me feel alive, peaceful and grounded.
And, it reminds me that I have many tools at my disposal to naturally boost my own mood and feel better. No matter what I’m dealing with, I’ll know how to return to this pleasure state.
So can we live a life “turned on?” Maybe not all the time — but I’d bet we’d have fun trying. I see this as a healthy antidote to this challenging world of urgency, dysregulation and resistance.
I embarked on 365 days of pleasure last year and ended up with exactly 0 days of illness. Not even a cold. Could be a fluke but, either way, this is one health protocol I’m sticking with.
The take-away: If pleasure is the measure, then joy should be a biomarker. Let’s reframe what it means to feel alive by expanding our erotic containers. I promise being healthy has never felt so good.
In your pursuit of your pleasure, I highly recommend these “enhancers” 🔥
Awaken Arousal Oil by Foria
Foreplay in a bottle. This topical oil gives vulva owners a welcomed head start in the arousal department by relaxing muscles, improving blood flow and enhancing natural lubrication to intensify orgasms. Available with or without CBD.
Happy Ending Gift Set by Fleur du Mal x Alice Mushrooms
A chic fire starter. The ultimate, “get-into-the-mood” booster, this set includes a silk lingerie set in the perfect shade of red with a box of decadent chocolates infused with organic Cordyceps from 100% fruiting body mushrooms, ashwaganda, damiana and other botanical aphrodisiacs.
The Mood by Joi Women’s Wellness
Biohacking arousal. A dissolvable troche combines three powerful ingredients to enhance libido and orgasm, including bremelanotide (peptide PT-141 known as “female Viagra”); tadalifil (a PDE type 5 inhibitor to relax and increase blood flow); and oxytocin (aka the love hormone). Use CELIA15 for a VIP discount.
Couples Massage Workshop
Mutually beneficial. Besides feeling incredible, massage offers many health benefits for the giver and receiver. Yet, many of us lack the confidence to touch our partners in this manner. Join me and chiropractor Dr Joey Mattina for a private, hands-on class, where you’ll learn easy-to-master massage techniques that foster relaxation and pleasure. Inquire here (in LA or by special request)
The Adamo Method
Shared sexual exploration. A revolutionary type of evidence-based sex therapy that educates couples on how to make the physical act itself an embodied experience. Created by Dr Molly Maloof, psychologist Saida Desilets, PhD and psychosomatic sex coach Aaron Michael, MA, this method is a holistic approach towards intimacy and transformative sex through science. Couples can apply for the next cohort here.
Related: “The Stash Box of Connection. Your brain's apothecary of feel-good drugs”
Interested in starting a pleasure practice as part of your health journey? For 1:1 health optimization coaching with Celia or information about upcoming group classes, inquire HERE.
All writing is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
Somatic therapy is a treatment focusing on the body and releasing the traumatic energy stored in the body to promote healing. More here > Harvard Health
“Dancing and the Brain” Harvard Health
“New Study Links Psychedelic Experiences To Better Sex” Forbes 2024
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